Babang Luksa- Ode to My Mother

 A year ago today I got the dreaded call. Yes, dramatically it was 2:30 in the morning. My stepdad told me to call up my brother in Cebu because he was not answering his phone.  My thoughtful stepdad could not answer when I asked about my Mom. I knew but refused to believe until someone confirmed verbally. Being who I am, I called her caregiver.  She confirmed all my fears. When she checked on her at past 2am, her oxygen level was very very low and soon expired. The news wrenched my heart. I'm her only daughter, her frenemy.

Many of us have gone through this pain of loss.  I was trying to control my emotions then because there was much to do. Thank God for my family who allowed me to just be.  Let all the pain out! It was ok to feel the pain of loss. The loss of daily morning calls and chit-chats, her travel stories from Cebu (in Visayas)  to CDO (Cagayan de Oro in Mindanao), to Manila (in Luzon), and all in between.  

My Mom was a definite character. She was her own person. She challenged norms in the 70s  and worked relentlessly to provide for our needs.  Before blended families came to be accepted in this double-standard society, she immersed us already. If there was a woman whose forgiveness quotient is high, she'd be that!  And she forgot about grudges. I learned from her how useless and burdensome grudges were because they will cause wrinkles. "Life is short", as she would say. "Just be happy and be a happy companion. Otherwise, people won't like your company." And she lived like that. I don't think any relative would remember her grumbling about this and that.   That's why many relatives run to her often.  Her funny commentaries, feistiness, and pragmatic outlook came with her coffee and cigarettes. 

She loved her grandchildren to the moon and back. Their own anecdotes will fill this page.

I miss her terribly.  January 2022, she fell from the bed and broke her shoulder joint.   She was in Cagayan De Oro then and I was so frantic calling her ortho in Cebu for a referral in CDO!  It was also the height of Omicron Covid.  She survived despite her physical and mental anguish.  She told her only surviving sister, "This is the beginning of the end."  On June 13, 2022,  she passed on peacefully.  Her loving candidness and cheerful presence will forever be missed and yet be remembered.

AN ODE TO MOMMY

Your eyes bid goodbye when last we saw

Dare I not speak yet my gut gnawed

You snitched tickets and laughed at me

another escape, the last one apparently.

the next days, I found myself in a plane

flying to your side praying to sustain

the breath in you and the optimistic smile

that once again we will sing/dance awhile.

Even in dreams, you tell me leads

while you assure others of their deeds.

There are many more to share about you

Your life is one that boredom never knew

For now, my thoughts are wrapped in awe

Mother dear you said you were ready to go.

God has other plans for you

He saw how you were tired and rest was due.

Mommy, if you see that I handle my strife

It's because I was inspired by your battles in life.

The courage, fun, strength, faith, and love you gave

rest assured will not be buried in your grave.

Rest with the angels 

in Our Father's Home

All will be well

We'll never be alone.

Thank you, Mommy Maggie. I love you, Mommy.

  My brother Buck, Stepdad Pete, My hubby Lemon, Alex, Mom & I (2019) 💓

 Mom & I  twinning in our gray gowns😊

Her grandchildren are as wacky as her. Papa Pete too!😍

 

 

Babang Luksa is a Filipino custom of lifting the one-year grieving period and adjustment for the bereaved family. The Memorial for the beloved departed is done in various ways like having a family reunion, gathering together in the cemetery, lighting candles & saying prayers, etc.  There is a Mass in honor of the departed for their soul's travel to the afterlife. Though there is a lifting of the wearing of black for a year, the memory and honor of the dearly departed are forever remembered. The memorial is passed on from generation to generation, similar to other Asian countries.

                                  

                                THEN AND AGAIN IN DIFFERENT STROKES

It's the 21st Century.  April 2021 to be exact. Aside from the affirmation of how money makes the world go-'round, we validated the power of social media during the historic lockdowns. There is no denying its force.  No denying also the thirst of people to be connected and be informed.  We are all gossip-mongers. When the ax has to fall, we point to others and claim victim too of the fake news. But when the gossip is hot, juicy, and ascertained- we claim fame as its source. Don't worry, we are not alone. Happened to Adam & Eve, remember? And to the generations and generations and generations henceforth.

Question is, how have you used social media to your advantage? Did you gain friends?  I did! I have more than a thousand friends all over the world!  Imagine that? I would not have met them personally for it would be impossible to travel to all those places at once.  Gosh, I was so excited to connect with them, share how they manage their situations, learn their cultures, and exchange views. I enjoy the beauty of diversity. It's like reading National Geographic, the World Atlas, history books with the characters coming to life through FB messenger.   I joined webinars, gave webinars, have unending zoom, google meets, researched, studied, learned, watched, and got headaches via social media. The world is at the tip of our fingers!

Consequently, our life is also at the tip of someone else's fingers. TMI and we are the target of hackers.  Complain too much about the government; we're red-tagged for subversion. Turn around to pretend all is well; we feel so stupid for pretending not to see the blatant lies. Remember, "The Emperor's New Clothes?"  Similar to the Abilene Paradox?  Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Social Psychologists are having a feast confirming human behavior, discovering new words to describe all the mental health issues they can come up with to bring understanding to the people who are strapped of normalcy as the world did an unprecedented paradigm shift. Friends, this is the new normal. The shift to the next hundred years. Ever wonder how people reacted to the fire, or the steam engine, Edison's filament of light, telephone, or IBM's first huge adding machine aka computer, etc?   From the huge machines at NASA, the technology has incredibly been larger than life at the palm of our hands! Isn't that stupendous?  From OOH, AH, & interjections we have new social media language too! We can perceive these as awesome developments or hindrances to communication.  If we want to evolve in this new world we have to learn to speak the language. Every generation has its peculiarity.  Resilience is key. 

It took Moses and his group 40 years on foot traversing Egypt to Israel. Vehicles, ships, and planes have made travel faster. We are global! More than 50 years ago, Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon. Since November 2000, the international space station has been low-orbiting the Earth and astronauts have been regularly sent there. April 19, 2021, the first Ingenuity Helicopter landed on Mars to study it for humanity.  Artemis, a few years earlier, sent the first female and man of color on the moon to set up the possibility of a human base by 2024. This innovation of social media has made all the bits of information accessible.   If only we use social media to improve our lives or improve humanity, we can grow by leaps and bounds.   Just as we use social media to increase the faith we so urgently need in this chrysalis.  Can you imagine, "What a bright world this would be?"

Everything is digital and at lightning speed. So is karma. No matter the age in history or the advances in technology, the basic principles in life are resolute and unaffected.  From then and again, no matter the strokes by different folks, truth and the good will prevail.

Self Awareness

It is the year  2020, a double-digit year. After a few days of revelry and family reunions, we faced a major volcanic eruption that affected people from Southern Luzon, specifically Taal and nearby towns.  People's way of life changed. The poor got poorer, losing their livestock and homes that got half-buried in the ashfall. The resthouses of the rich nearby got damaged but they will get repaired without even denting their bank accounts.  The Filipino culture of Bayanihan  resurfaced inspiring volunteerism, unity, heroism, and the like. For awhile, selfishness and the race for economic survival halted. Generosity, selflessness, camaraderie sparked the light of hope among those who lost their homes. And if you were one of those who frantically asked for donations or distributed goods for those victims, I can imagine how good or fulfilled you felt after. Isn't it fulfilling to have done something than just watch the news? For those who had no choice but watched the news  & saw the overview,  wasn't it flabbergasting to see some people scrambling to help for publicity?  Social media was filled with photos of people helping for different reasons. The sincere ones who truly cared; the ones who sought for awards and saw the chance for an additional photo; those who had nothing to do so might as well jump in the bandwagon; those who helped for the 2022 elections; those who are in the call of duty; and many more.

The next few weeks and months saw the whole world gradually halted. An invisible organism attacked mankind; and boy how it did! Many thought they were above this speck, but the speck hurt people at their weakest -  money and life.   Fortunately for those who obeyed the Enhance Community Quarantine aka Lockdown (not knockdown nor look down nor lock & lock), they had the luxury of spending time with their loved ones- or not!  Some had the chance to reflect on their lives.  Social media can prove the millions of posts on thought-provoking quotes, essays, quips and even laughable cartoons that uplift people all over the world. There are numerous posts too on how dangerous Covid 19 is.  Numerous posts too on the people who did not seem to care about the warnings of the health professionals and went about their reckless ways, infecting people nonchalantly.  People all over the world showed different characters. The US President spoke as if he can tell the virus to stop; the striding Chinese leader who started it all and offered the world his pretentious aid; the desperate Italian Head pleaded for help and almost lost hope;  our very own president who threatened the pasaways -   hard-headed people who did not obey the rules and even challenged the enforcers; at the same time the same Philippine President exalted the Chinese despite their culpability in introducing the virus to us. In fairness, despite the many politicians trying to gain favor from him and for the 2020 elections, the president did the real best he could muster.  Truly when a crisis strikes, you learn the character of people and the person right next to you.

In the first week of the lockdown, I saw may tiktoks of bored people. Some were amusing, some were funny, some offending, some inspiring,  and some disturbing.  As a writer, it brought me to where I am now -  typing my thoughts again.  The Viber groups burst with messages that were frantic with apprehensions, outrage, sympathy, empathy, imagination, sadness, and comedy that filled the message boards. In fact, I had to delete so many messages to get my phone working normally again. So many news, fake news, hate campaigns, endorsement campaigns, DIYs, and FYIs came through social media. Facebook was filled with sellers and extortionists who wanted to be instantly rich from selling the artificial shortages of masks, alcohols, chlorox, and other disinfectants.  History showed us that there are always economic opportunities in the most desolate of circumstances; whether war, famine, or pandemic. Here the frontlines are the people from suppliers, customs and immigration.

In the second week of the lockdown, panic seems to have abated.  Many people slowly accepted the reality of curtailed movement.  With so many heartbreaking unnecessary loss of lives, countless sacrifices of the people who need to go to work for services despite the dangers to their health, people got tired fighting the change. It is inevitable.  Mothers have time to nurture their children. Parents get to know their teens. Husbands and wives get to strategize and plan together for the war ahead.  Happily, some turned to Netflix to watch CLOY, or Terrius or other Korean movies. Others opted for youtube for classic movies, music, and even exercises. Some also went back to flipping pages of their favorite or unread books. If you are bored to death and complaining in your 2-bedroom or a bigger house, imagine a household of six living in their 20 sqm home during this lockdown?   Their positivity and faith must be enormous!  Liquor was even banned to deter the classic Filipino culture of group drinking sessions where they share one glass for everyone to signify brotherhood.  This time brotherhood will be shown with social distancing.  Love for family is having no reunions nor visits to grandparents. Girl bondings are through Line, Skype or Messenger as they pray the Rosary together or perhaps some wine and laughter on the side as they share their lockdown stories.  The creative Filipinos will survive albeit the endless complaints. They are resilient. Even the threats to stealing and looting the rich was a useless threat, whether fake or real. The police and military visibility halted them. The invisible evil was also a force to reckon with.  There were so many ruminations at t is time, especially for those who were too busy to pause and assess their lives.

The other side of the coin showed a healing world that has been hurt by the abusive man. The waters of Venice became the playground of dolphins. Sea lions frolicked in  Singapore's parks. The sky is clear and blue adorned by fluffy clouds. The smog is gone. The earth seems so happy to be emancipated from the avarice of man. Unfortunately, the West Philippine Sea is repeatedly raped by the greediest of all while the world helped each other combat the invisible enemy. That is another battle the Filipinos have to face.  Meantime, amidst the scariest scare, faith gave us courage and strength. Pope Francis virtually yet actually instigated the hope we all needed, the calm during this storm, the faith in God who will never let evil win over good. He was our pillar representing Our Lord and Savior.

In our own homes, in our own self, we battled.  We reacted. We got frustrated. We got so damn scared for ourselves, our children, our loved ones. We felt mournful for the lives lost. We felt pugnacious to those who were selfish, reckless, self-centered carriers of the virus walking freely among the crowds. We complained about the loss of business, opportunities, the canceled trips, the thwarted plans, and more.  Nevertheless, after all the hullabaloos in our mind, we saw the ray of sunshine. People turned in themselves. People realized their priorities. They realized their first goals. They saw their countless blessings. Some even discovered the expired food in the pantry. A majority of us valued staying home, safe from the virus while others brave the risks to keep us safe.

There is a God and He is great indeed!  When there was so much designating labels to people, things and valuing the titles, prestige, power, money, and elitism, we were all brought to a standstill.
God never wants us to suffer. But He too gave us free will trusting we will always choose His side. Unfortunately, many chose the gilded trappings of evil.  Temptations always appear wonderful. But even in this pit of doom where we are, God allows us to look into our hearts. He allows us to remove all the trappings and choose. This time, we have the chance to look within.  It is such a blessing to halt, to pause and remember our SELVES.  How do I live my life after this?  Where do I lead my family after this?  What values can I impart to my family, friends, colleagues? What did I realize? How can I help?  How can I be a better version of myself?  What should be my hint when I start to be greedy?   Who am I?  What does God want me to do?  What decisions should I make?

Only you can answer.

                     Up  Up  &  Away!

      My big girl comforted me as I cried by the gate 228 of Hong Kong International Airport. 

Why did I cry?   Ah, the frustration, self-disappointment, tiredness, anticipation of home, the many duties that beckon, and the defense mechanism to my stupidity.  We missed our flight! 

What do you do when you have a flight?
Check tickets, check passport, check baggage weight, check IDs, wallet, meds, check currency for the next destination & check the boarding gate number. 

We were early for the flight.  In fact, the night before we were so ready.  We even bought extra baggage to be sure.  At the airport, we had brunch since we will arrive in Manila by 2pm.  Airplane food is not cheap and not sure if it will be good. We were relaxed and traversed the many walkways of HKIA.  

Then I suddenly felt something amiss. Panic button!   I do not know how I flew through the long walkways of HKIA and shouted for the elevator to hold so we can go down.   To my surprise, we were to take the train to the gate!   Stupid me!   I knew there was a train but I thought it was not for all the gates.   Running to it, forgetting that my big girl was running too behind me, I was like a predator after the prey.  Heavy breathing, panting and all!  With a carry on that felt light as a paper, I ran like my life depended on it!
Finally, off the train...up the escalator where I almost pushed everyone out of the way.   O my, three flights of these escalators!  Kidding me?   From time to time I checked on my big girl.  But determination to get to our gate was more powerful than checking on her.  I thought I was Hermes with winged heels or Flash or the wind!
Thank God I saw the huge sign to our gate 228 as we jumped off the last escalator step which opened to a huge lobby of gates, shops and the airline service help desk!!  In frenzy, I asked the airport guy where it was.  He said we were called but I did not wait for him to finish as we dashed off to the gate.  What?! Another flight of escalator going down!! I ran down literally dragging my carry on.   When I saw the closing gate of 228, I showed our tickets and the ground crew said we cannot enter anymore. The plane left!
I was out of breath apologizing for being late and forgetting about the flight time.   He told me to calm down.  Then he turned to my big girl and gave her instructions on what to do next. 
I believe he reckoned that she was the adult then.  I was a lost child.

I found a quiet spot beside the escalator where a few minutes ago I almost jumped from to reach gate 228.

I sat and big girl quietly followed me pulling her own carry on. She sat beside me as I loudly caught my breath and tried to stop the tears from falling. I whimpered and then felt her little hand pat my back.
" It’s ok, Mom.  There is a first time for everything.  God must have a reason. "
That jolted me back to reality.

I was crying because I was so ashamed of myself.  I always reminded everyone of these things. I was always in control and following rules so nothing can go wrong.   Days before, we brought my husband to the same huge airport so he will not miss his flight.  Imagine, I missed ours! Over confidence? Negligence?  Or distracted by the duty-free shops? 

I called my hubby who sounded irritated at my stupidity; but comforted me when he realized I was in despair.   I called my daughter who laughed at me and assured me all will be ok. 
“We will just have to re-book.”, she said in jest.

My kids told me days after that they were in frenzy where and when to book the flight. 

The airline services desk guy said we will not be allowed by immigration to go out of the airport.  Panic button.  Then calming myself, it makes sense to stay inside the airport as the kids booked me online. Thank God for internet thru which my daughter, son-in-law & hubby kept me abreast and comforted me.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE LEFT BY YOUR PLANE?

With 2 other groups of Filipinos who were in my same predicament, these were the things we did and you must do at HKIA when the plane leaves without you ( hope it does no happen to you!):

 1.  Go back  to Terminal 20 where the Airline Assistance desk is. There are 2 from both sides.

       2.  Tell the person of your situation. That stupid guy  #1 told us to book online as we cannot stay in     the airport for more than 24 hours. We cannot leave the Airport too. Panic mode again. (He was wrong!)
       3.  Give your tickets, considered null (what a waste of hard-earned money)

       4.  Give your baggage claim.

       5.   After an hour, kind airport personnel will assist you to Immigration Office.  It is opposite the       immigration when you arrive in HKIA.

       6.   Give your passport to immigration guy.

       7.   Immigration officers ask if you have booked.  In my case, we stayed there for 14 days so they  have to confirm if I have tickets and not overstay.  He checked the tickets sent via messenger then left us all.  We were still with the 2 groups.

       8.   After an hour, he returns to allow us all to go back to HK.  Guy number 1 was wrong!

       9.   Kind airport personnel guides us through to claim our baggage.

       10. In my case, he was kind enough to wait till I got our baggage and showed us where to exit.

       11. Then we found our way (by asking all the time) to the blue taxi that brought us back.

     
           In our flight now, we heard the cabin crew calling names of passengers.  Those not yet on board.
"So that‘s how it was to be called when you are not on the plane yet!", I told big girl.
Several acknowledgements and public address announcements.  Big girl and I were snickering! Yesterday the cabin crew must have called our names too while we were frantically running to catch our plane, in vain.

When we walked and went to the same motions to get to the boarding gate, we laughed till tears came. We imagined how crazy we looked to others the day before. How did we ran so swiftly?  Aboard the plane, we can laugh heartily at my folly.

The plane took off and we were in it!  Yey.   A sigh of relief.   Relieved to be on the way home - for school, for duties, & relieved to be on the right track and not mess up the plan!  Another lesson learned! 

Whereto next, big girl?

  

Refresh

Ah!! It has been a long  time, my dear friend.  I miss you so much.  I miss those times when you just listen to my unending woes and brags.  I miss those times when you kiss my face and touch my hair with gentleness. I miss the quiet music you  sing to me and how it keeps my heart calm.  I am so glad to be with you again.
O sun and sky, you are forever the beauty that illuminates the breathtaking panorama before me. You complete the warmth my friends make me feel.
O look at the white fluffiness I love so much. The fluffiness that seems to give bounce to my thoughts and spirit!  If only  I can jump up and down in the unending shapes of your white fluffiness.  I wish I can hug you!
What is really beyond the vast blue sky? The mystery of the horizon gives me unending hope-as far as my eyes can see.   And meeting
of the vast sky in the horizon with the azure stillness. There is life beyond. There is heartbeat. There is beauty.
O wind and sea, my heart is at peace again.  My mind is calm.  The lapping sound against the giant rocks fill my being with great thankfulness to be alive.  The gentle rhythm rocks my soul to peace.
O, my gentle breeze.  O, friend who touches my skin with such gentleness and warmth.  Thank God for you! You let the leaves dance in thanks for their Creator. 
Let my spirit dance with you.  Let me sing praises as gentle as the sea breeze.
Ah, 'tis good to touch base.  Genesis.

Day 13: DIET STRATEGY

        

              I have been planning to lose weight on August...of every year.  I don't know why. Maybe to prepare for the Christmas gastronomic indulgence.  So today is the middle of August.

              I am sitting here, alone, in the dining room planning my next weight loss strategy.  Since it is a difficult battle, I should mentally prepare myself and "bribe" my psyche. I tell myself the health benefits of losing 10 lbs-  blood sugar will go down, cholesterol will go down, my spine problem will ease, hopefully I will lose those maintenance meds.  Naah- since heart issues are in the genes, my cardio said maintenance meds are for  life.  So, losing those pills is off the table.  Ah, how about the physical benefits?   Woot woot! 😉😉   My size will go back to a 6!  Come on!  I can never go back to the 2 or 4!  I am midlife and some things are just there!  Body sculpture and liposuction are not my cup of tea.        
               Back to my planning session.  First I brew a good Italian arabica, LaVazza. This is perfect after lunch treat! My mood gets excited.  I can do this diet thing!  O well, since I will really go on a diet, I just take a peek at the pantry for something to go with the good coffee.  Hmmm, a chocolate cupcake will do.  My mind goes back to plan A- lose the rice.  Easy-peasy, I can do that.  Next, lose the sweets.  Well, after some negotiations, it will have to be a slow and sweet reduction. I love cakes, pastries ( especially Segovia's or Purple Oven).   And because I will start tomorrow (yes, I promise tomorrow), and my cupcake is almost gone, I will do my last bread and condensed milk combo.  I did not put sugar and creamer in the coffee anyway.  Just one. Then there is the exercise.  Twice a week we have dance rehearsals for our Velada. Check on the exercise! The universe is congruent with my plans! 😇  I am so optimistic.  Size 6!

      The big challenge is the eating out to try new restaurants and hotel food.  Well less trips for the curious palate is good on the pocket. Easy-peasy again.  But good food and good company is perfect harmony.  I am a sucker for such.  

      I have heard so much of the vegetarian diet.  Many friends prod me to start slowly. The benefits are astounding.  Clear skin, losing of weight, improved immune system, and good number 2, among others.  I will seriously include that in my meal plans. But my hubby cooks good adobo, humba,  and sinigang.  I sadly need  a separate entree. How about cheat day?  Just an excuse.😊 

     Have you tried checking on the diet meals or the food that causes cancer, or removes belly fat and the like?  They are so so many out there you can never tell which is real!  At the end of the day, you get confused with so much info, you end up eating the comfort food you love.

     Just to warm up for tomorrow, after my post lunch snack cum planning, I will move about doing house chores.  Burn the calories!   Negative on that.  Right within the planning moment, I had to rush up and sit in front of the computer.  I have to blog and share my wonderful plans with you! May be you have plans to share too. I will listen or read them happily. 

    The thing is this.  I will face up to my challenge because I want to be healthy and enjoy my life longer with less joint pains and spinal issues.   The object is not to be sick. To enjoy life.  If this is what it takes, I will eat healthily.  I will start right after this blog. Meantime, let me finish my snacks. It will be a waste to throw them.  

                                                   

                                                              X    X    X

Day 12: In Sickness & In Health...

Nobody wants to get sick or see their loved ones be sick.   But it is a fact of life. It is painful, emotionally & psychologically trying, physically draining.  However, in this dark hour, we chance upon the shining light of God's love. That light gives us hope and the faith that we are not alone. Whatever happens, God is with us. We surrender; we trust, COMPLETELY!

Do you know the poem, FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND?

The memories when my hubby was in the hospital bring chills to my spine until now.  It started with a headache. How we survived the horrific experience is a miracle. The same miracle, in another breadth, happened recently to a very good friend whose partner suffered the same fate. When I learned of his emergency, I just had to let him know I understood how he felt in that moment of uncertainty, fear, and despair.
Thus, flashes of memories came as quickly as my pulsating heart.
We were in a boat trip for Manila.  As usual, many people went to my hubby for quick chats or serious discussions.  Midway through the trip he complained of a terrible headache which concerned me because I had already given him anti-high blood medication and painkillers, to no avail.  Another scary sign was when we docked, he did not mind all the people greeting him as we went down the boat. I was bewildered because all those people were his friends & staff.  I just excused him to be tired and with a terrible headache. They also expressed concern because my hubby was usually talkative and full of life.
The 5-hour trip to Manila seemed an eternity.  When we got home at 3AM, I told our eldest son my observations and so we brought his dad to the nearby community hospital for first aid.  My hands became clammy, my heartbeat seemed to burst my ears when the doctor said his blood pressure was 200/120!  He was also disoriented.  He was under observation till we could transfer him to a tertiary hospital.  Instinctively, I whispered prayers. Then I  got in touch with my stepsister who is a doctor as I didn't know what to do next. She gave instructions and assured me she would wait in the ER.  But she warned that if my hubby starts to vomit, I have to go to the nearest hospital, STAT!  And it happened!  My daughter was with me and we rushed to the ER of The Medical City, the nearest hospital. Everything was so fast; the next thing I knew all my children (except for another son who was studying in the province) and I  were huddled & asked if we had a neurosurgeon.  My hubby's  headache was caused by the 70cc of blood dislodged in his head due to aneurysm.  My stepsister, waiting in the other hospital, gave a name and wished me the best of everything.
I went to the early Mass the  next day and was surprised to be asked as the First Reader.  How God assured me was overwhelming! The reading was about Abraham's offering of his son, Isaac, to God. It was about Abraham's trust test. I tried so hard to control my emotions.  As I went to my seat, tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt the immense love of God in that moment. Footprints in the sand! The Lord was carrying me! I wanted to share the ineffable feeling with everyone there but clasped my hands to my chest instead. Thank You, Lord! Here I am, Lord!  What do You ask of me?
Since we entered the hospital, friends, family, my HS best friend, high school classmates, priests and 2 bishops assured us of prayers.  Imagine, a province-wide Sunday Mass for my hubby!  Even the contemplative nuns of the 2 Convents of St. Clare were praying for him!  Profound kindness abound. How can  I not trust the Lord?  How can I question His Will?  As I have done in my adult life, Thy will be done, O Lord!
 After a week in the ICU, and  a month & a half in the hospital, my kids and I cannot believe we survived!  My hubby survived despite countless seizures and near death stages. My amazingly steadfast children inspired me and gave me strength.  So many helped us emotionally and financially. I will never forget them. Their names are all forever etched in my heart. Our neurosurgeon and cardiologist were God-sent.   In those moments of uncertainty and darkness, God was my light.  I just followed Him.  He sent wonderful people, inspiring situations, and even funny moments.
I think all normal people live surrounded by families and friends. We laugh and celebrate the peaks & milestones with them. We go through the deepest valleys of our lives with them.  We are all bound and inspired by God's agape love. No conditions are needed.  No judgments.  In sickness and in health, love strengthens everyone.  Through the people who truly love and care deeply for us, God is truly alive.  If you know what I am talking about, lucky you!  Let us spread this goodwill. Everyday is crucial for somebody, somewhere; or a time to celebrate.  Whether in sickness or in health, spread love. It is the best gift God bestowed on us.  It begets miracles.