Monday, June 12, 2023

Babang Luksa- Ode to My Mother


 A year ago today I got the dreaded call. Yes, dramatically it was 2:30 in the morning. My stepdad told me to call up my brother in Cebu because he was not answering his phone.  My thoughtful stepdad could not answer when I asked about my Mom. I knew but refused to believe until someone confirmed verbally. Being who I am, I called her caregiver.  She confirmed all my fears. When she checked on her at past 2am, her oxygen level was very very low and soon expired. The news wrenched my heart. I'm her only daughter, her frenemy.

Many of us have gone through this pain of loss.  I was trying to control my emotions then because there was much to do. Thank God for my family who allowed me to just be.  Let all the pain out! It was ok to feel the pain of loss. The loss of daily morning calls and chit-chats, her travel stories from Cebu (in Visayas)  to CDO (Cagayan de Oro in Mindanao), to Manila (in Luzon), and all in between.  

My Mom was a definite character. She was her own person. She challenged norms in the 70s  and worked relentlessly to provide for our needs.  Before blended families came to be accepted in this double-standard society, she immersed us already. If there was a woman whose forgiveness quotient is high, she'd be that!  And she forgot about grudges. I learned from her how useless and burdensome grudges were because they will cause wrinkles. "Life is short", as she would say. "Just be happy and be a happy companion. Otherwise, people won't like your company." And she lived like that. I don't think any relative would remember her grumbling about this and that.   That's why many relatives run to her often.  Her funny commentaries, feistiness, and pragmatic outlook came with her coffee and cigarettes. 

She loved her grandchildren to the moon and back. Their own anecdotes will fill this page.

I miss her terribly.  January 2022, she fell from the bed and broke her shoulder joint.   She was in Cagayan De Oro then and I was so frantic calling her ortho in Cebu for a referral in CDO!  It was also the height of Omicron Covid.  She survived despite her physical and mental anguish.  She told her only surviving sister, "This is the beginning of the end."  On June 13, 2022,  she passed on peacefully.  Her loving candidness and cheerful presence will forever be missed and yet be remembered.

AN ODE TO MOMMY

Your eyes bid goodbye when last we saw

Dare I not speak yet my gut gnawed

You snitched tickets and laughed at me

another escape, the last one apparently.

the next days, I found myself in a plane

flying to your side praying to sustain

the breath in you and the optimistic smile

that once again we will sing/dance awhile.

Even in dreams, you tell me leads

while you assure others of their deeds.

There are many more to share about you

Your life is one that boredom never knew

For now, my thoughts are wrapped in awe

Mother dear you said you were ready to go.

God has other plans for you

He saw how you were tired and rest was due.

Mommy, if you see that I handle my strife

It's because I was inspired by your battles in life.

The courage, fun, strength, faith, and love you gave

rest assured will not be buried in your grave.

Rest with the angels 

in Our Father's Home

All will be well

We'll never be alone.

Thank you, Mommy Maggie. I love you, Mommy.


  My brother Buck, Stepdad Pete, My hubby Lemon, Alex, Mom & I (2019) 💓
 Mom & I  twinning in our gray gowns😊

Her grandchildren are as wacky as her. Papa Pete too!😍

 Babang Luksa is a Filipino custom of lifting the one-year grieving period and adjustment for the bereaved family. The Memorial for the beloved departed is done in various ways like having a family reunion, gathering together in the cemetery, lighting candles & saying prayers, etc.  There is a Mass in honor of the departed for their soul's travel to the afterlife. Though there is a lifting of the wearing of black for a year, the memory and honor of the dearly departed are forever remembered. The memorial is passed on from generation to generation, similar to other Asian countries.