Day 10: 5 Reasons Why the Grass is Greener on the Other Side

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0210/4540/products/pugh_cartoon_cards011_1024x1024.png?v=145555680h8

      This is a phrase often heard when comparing decisions made by different people or assessing one's status in life.  Of course we want bright green grass in our lawn.  Some even plant flowers in the garden!

Here's why the grass is greener on the other side.

1. YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

            It all starts with a seed or the roots.  Literally & figuratively.  They have to be planted.  Goodness, do not keep them in the kitchen or garage drawer!  Plant them!   As in life, we all have a  talent.  We must hone it.  Whatever it is, you own that talent.  Nobody can get it; so, improve  yourself.  Whether you are rich or poor, that talent is in you and you have to develop it.  At this time  and age, opportunities abound.  Do not keep your seed in storage.

2.  DO NOT PROCRASTINATE.  

         The time is NOW.  Stop giving excuses for postponing things.  Tomorrow may be too late or it may not even come.  All the very successful people I know have a common denominator; they all act immediately.

3. NURTURE YOUR GARDEN. 

       As printed up there, "Of course the grass is always greener on the other side- they water it!" Our mind should also be  nurtured. Cultivate your mind garden to have a positive mindset. Remove the weeds (literally & figuratively, again) everyday.  You will eventually attract happy thoughts. You will have the energy to do what is necessary to achieve your goals.  The sense of fulfillment will make you value yourself.  A ripple effect is inevitable and people will value you too.  People will be drawn to your wonderful world.  You may rest, but not stop cultivating your life.

4.  SHARE YOUR GREENS.

          When you are happy, you just want to share your joy with others.  You cannot help but grin. Smiling is infectious.  Even just thinking of your happy memories while reading this makes you smile.  A hilarious scene will even evoke a hearty laughter!  The green grass is nice to see. It is even a nice place to have a picnic with loved ones. Teach others how to plant in their lives. Imagine if the grass is green everywhere! 

5.  APPRECIATE!

     Those whose lawn has vibrant green grass know what I mean.  You wake up and see, through your window, a relaxing sight.  Thank God for the sun and the rain that help sustain the wonders around you.  Appreciate the gardener who tends to your garden.  In your personal life, gratitude is uplifting.  It blesses both the giver and receiver.  Our mentors, our parents, family and friends who stood by us are like the gardener who weeded, watered and trimmed so the grass remains green.

       Whether in career, in personal relationships, at school, and all else, the grass is truly greener on the other side because they water it.  No reason to be envious; do the same to yours.

          

        

Day 9: Finding In-Law

          Many of us have children who are ready to leave the nest. That scares us, parents, unless the person they will settle with is somebody who can really "settle down" and provide the best for our children.  Again , we define provide as the act of supplying or giving what is needed.  People need love, care, house, clothes, money, attention, moral support, etc.  C'mon, all our parental life was devoted to ensuring that  nothing bad happens to our treasures! Getting married is a lifetime choice (cross fingers) for them- without us hovering over their shoulders all the time. So, after school & work, praying, hoping, and finding the right in-law is the next in my parent's list.
            I did a little research and found some engaging courtship & marriage traditions from the other parts of the world.  Here are some:
         1. CONGO:  Beware of those pearly whites!  The bride and the groom cannot smile on their wedding day lest they be accused of not taking their vows seriously.
         2. ARMENIA:  Men and women eat a slice of high sodium specialty bread baked by a happily married middle-aged woman or their grandmother.  When they sleep they can expect to see their future spouse in their dreams.
        3. PHILIPPINES:  This dream version in the Philippines is like this.  Every eve of the First of May, the woman should wait in front of the mirror for the clock to strike 12 midnight.  When it strikes 12, the woman will see her future hubby's image behind her.  (Ladies, hope  gallant men appear and not one from the Walking Dead!)
        4.  FIJI:  When a man courageously asks the hand of his beloved lady from her father, he must give him a whale's tooth.
        5. BHUTAN:  Called BOMENA, it is wont in Eastern  Bhutan where, in the dead of night. a man sneaks into the room of the lady he likes. It is an old practice of courtship.  If caught, three things face him: he will marry the girl, work in the family's  field, or leave her to be pregnant. Though still occurring in a few places in Eastern Bhutan, the people have enacted laws to protect women, DNA testing, and the practical steel locks have been inherent in the structures of the houses.
       6. SW CHINA:  During April, women cook sticky rice, and dress ornately to excitedly celebrate SISTER'S MEAL FESTIVAL ( Valentine's Day). The sticky rice cooked in four colors based on  the seasons in a year, is rolled in a handkerchief and given to the suitors. If a man gets 2 red chopsticks inside the sticky rice package, it means YES.  One chopstick means a kind NO.  A garlic  or a chili means a blatant NO. A pine needle means the girl will wait for the man as long as he gives her gifts.
      7. CAMBODIA:  In the  Treung Tribe, the father builds a love hut for his daughter.  She invites as many men  she likes to sleep with.  Although this may seem promiscuous, incidents of rape are low and divorce is not heard of in their tribe. Collect and collect and then select?
     8. EUROPE:  In some parts of Europe, a guy puts his handkerchief in his armpit before attending a dance. Thereafter, he will use this sweat-scented hankie to wipe off perspiration from the face of the girl he likes.   In Austria, the girl puts a slice of apple in her armpit  then feeds her unsuspecting prospect with the laced apple slice. Presumably, the prey falls madly in love with the person because of the sweat-scent. O my!  The nose knows.
         There are more ways to skin a cat, they say. The bottom line is finding the appropriate in-law.  Who doesn't want the perfect boy or girl for our child?  Is there such a thing?  All parents wish their children a stable, and happy family life.
        What would be your criteria for your future in-law? In my order of things I watch out for manners & language, respectfulness, integrity, attitude in life, attitude towards others, and tell tale signs to be wary (coached by some elderly in the family).  But of course, the most important is still love.  How about you?


     
       
       
         

Day 8: ASSUME = ASS U ME

        He thought, she thought, I thought, we all thought but we were all damn wrong!  The damage has been done. Boom!
        Familiar?
        How do we repair lost relations because of too many assumptions.  Good if they are correct or at least positive.  What if your assumption was wrong and hurt someone deeply, or destroyed a colleague's career, or a friend's family, or your own?   What if you assumed wrongly what your client meant?  There are agents I know who are blabbers and put words in the mouths of their clients.  They went way ahead and beyond. Because they forgot to listen well, deals went awry.
       Why do some people carelessly assume and judge?   Why are some people able to hold their thoughts & bite their tongues before blurting out some things?
       When I was younger I did a lot of guessing why and what happened.  I thought the directions in the exam meant this or that.  With my assumptions, my grades assumed to fail too. So I learned to ask clarifications when I don't understand some thing.  It turned out most of my classmates had the same queries but were either too lazy or afraid to ask.  Some didn't ask for sheer lack of interest.
      Same when travelling.  I prefer to ask for directions than guess and go down a road only to find out we were supposed to traverse the other way!  What a waste of time and gas!
       I'm sure you have your own situations when assuming made an ass out of you, as it did me.
       I thought about this.  I think if people will practice active listening it will be evaded, or lessened.  What is active listening?.  It is when you really pay attention to what a person is saying. There are times when we are talking to a person and we think that person is listening attentively, nodding his head as we speak only to realize he was spacing out! In the end, he did not understand what we meant and just assumed his interpretation from parts of the conversation.  So, with active listening, when there are unclear things, you can ask for clarifications right away. Thus, less misunderstanding and less mistakes, less arguments, less stress.
     Now what if you don't know a person and just overheard something he or she did?  Then from that situation you just assume his or her personality.  That is outright prejudice. You did not assume; you prejudged a person you do not even know. Worse, you were either eavesdropping or overhearing people talk.  Overhearing  happens sometimes and we should take things with a grain of salt or just be amused.
      What is assumption?  According to Merriam &Webster, assumption (noun) is defined as:
1. taking to or upon oneself (new position);  2. the act of laying claim to or taking possession of something (assumption of power);  3. an assuming that something is true (our topic).
      On hindsight, often, people assume to pretend to be  knowledgeable and not ignorant. The consequence of this is stupidity, or  embarrassment.  Knowledge is simply to know that  you do not know when you do not know;  and to know that you know when you know.  Easy-peasy distinction between assuming and knowing, right?
     I estimate that  2 out of the 5 people we talk to or give orders to come back to us with a question, "What was it again?".  Though, at times, it is annoying, it is better than assuming something else and doing what they thought was right when actually it was wrong.  Though fallible, we can practice to be careful. Nothing wrong with that; rather than be an all-time ass!

     
     

 

 

Day7: Happily Separated

I got a request for this topic.  Actually it excited me because I admire  solo parents. Imagine how a parent goes through the odyssey of rearing a child alone. Solo parents are a strong bunch!
First, you had to go through the emotional, psychological and internal battle of whether  to stay in your marriage or leave. Sometimes the young 'uns witness the unwell wayward parents.   The many painful reasons you had to reach this state is already hell on earth!
Second,  after your decision, there is still the push and pull due to social hypocrisies you have to deal with, the battle of the conscience (vows), the economic need and of course the children. In the end, you just have to get out the door ( or kick your partner out  the door) before your sanity leaves you. You have to save yourself to save  the children.  NEMO DAT QUID NON HABIT!  You cannot give what you do not have.
Third is the breakthrough.  Getting out of the comfort zone (no matter how uncomfortable it seems to others) is tough.  Once done it is freedom!  After getting out of the ailing relationship you have to heal yourself.   Family, friends, church group & community group abound to help you.  Such an amazing grace!   You are reborn & become brave to start afresh.   Move on.  To be better or bitter is another choice for you.  Nevertheless, from studies, forgiving (time heals all wounds, they say) is really beneficial for your body and soul. If you want to remain good looking, forget the ugly past but learn from it.
As your new status is either single, divorced or legally separated - filling out forms in the first year is emotional.  But for those who loathed the partner they left - it is a mark of victory & relief! Emancipation!
Hopefully, you don't go through a custody battle where the real victims are the children whom the law wants to protect (?!).  Happy are those who settle amicably; for their children have less trauma.
First order of business as a single parent is putting direction in your life.  Where you plan to head is where your children will be towed in.  They are not things to drag just anywhere.  In fact, as a parent, you get strength from their very existence.   Your responsibility is immense because you want to raise productive upright adults - alone!
But I notice these days there is less drama after couples part ways.  Or am I just imagining?  When it was a traumatic incident eons ago, it is an accepted sad and painful fact these days. Both parties discuss how to be active parents for their children in spite of their changed status.  I think it is a relief for all parties concerned- the couple themselves, their children and in-laws.  After all, the human relations nurtured among all cannot be thrown out the window just like that.
A single parent usually attends school PTCs and programs alone, courageously  filling both shoes so his or her child will not lack in moral support.  I remember decades ago a very close relation confided in me how lost and hurt her 7 year old daughter felt because when the essay was about daddies, she did not know what to write and just cried in class. My friend was immediately called by the school guidance counselor who helped raise her daughter. Another friend tried to reunite with her ex to try being a family again.  But it did not work out well as the guy remained insanely insecure and lazy.
Separations are bittersweet moments.  No matter how much you try if things cannot work out, you have to do it.  It is better than killing each other emotionally & psychologically-  or even  just glaring at each other daily.  It is the better thing to do. Some shred of dignity is left between both parties.  Like in all battles, there are spoils.   Just rise, clean up and walk on by.  At least you won't live in misery.
Although we all want to save relationships and families-  we also have to support those who choose to part ways. We cannot judge them. Often they become better persons.  They can raise their children well too.  Being  separated doesn't have to be a moribund situation.  Many successful people are happily separated. As my happy friends say, as long as their kids are settled at school, they go wherever they want with wanton.
Gloria Gaynor best sang it for many women everywhere,
" First I was afraid,I was petrified
  Kept  thinking I could never live without you by my side
  But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
  But I grew strong & I learned how to get along.....
  Do you think I'd lay down and die? I WILL SURVIVE"!