I got a request for this topic. Actually it excited me because I admire solo parents. Imagine how a parent goes through the odyssey of rearing a child alone. Solo parents are a strong bunch!
First, you had to go through the emotional, psychological and internal battle of whether to stay in your marriage or leave. Sometimes the young 'uns witness the unwell wayward parents. The many painful reasons you had to reach this state is already hell on earth!
Second, after your decision, there is still the push and pull due to social hypocrisies you have to deal with, the battle of the conscience (vows), the economic need and of course the children. In the end, you just have to get out the door ( or kick your partner out the door) before your sanity leaves you. You have to save yourself to save the children. NEMO DAT QUID NON HABIT! You cannot give what you do not have.
Third is the breakthrough. Getting out of the comfort zone (no matter how uncomfortable it seems to others) is tough. Once done it is freedom! After getting out of the ailing relationship you have to heal yourself. Family, friends, church group & community group abound to help you. Such an amazing grace! You are reborn & become brave to start afresh. Move on. To be better or bitter is another choice for you. Nevertheless, from studies, forgiving (time heals all wounds, they say) is really beneficial for your body and soul. If you want to remain good looking, forget the ugly past but learn from it.
As your new status is either single, divorced or legally separated - filling out forms in the first year is emotional. But for those who loathed the partner they left - it is a mark of victory & relief! Emancipation!
Hopefully, you don't go through a custody battle where the real victims are the children whom the law wants to protect (?!). Happy are those who settle amicably; for their children have less trauma.
First order of business as a single parent is putting direction in your life. Where you plan to head is where your children will be towed in. They are not things to drag just anywhere. In fact, as a parent, you get strength from their very existence. Your responsibility is immense because you want to raise productive upright adults - alone!
But I notice these days there is less drama after couples part ways. Or am I just imagining? When it was a traumatic incident eons ago, it is an accepted sad and painful fact these days. Both parties discuss how to be active parents for their children in spite of their changed status. I think it is a relief for all parties concerned- the couple themselves, their children and in-laws. After all, the human relations nurtured among all cannot be thrown out the window just like that.
A single parent usually attends school PTCs and programs alone, courageously filling both shoes so his or her child will not lack in moral support. I remember decades ago a very close relation confided in me how lost and hurt her 7 year old daughter felt because when the essay was about daddies, she did not know what to write and just cried in class. My friend was immediately called by the school guidance counselor who helped raise her daughter. Another friend tried to reunite with her ex to try being a family again. But it did not work out well as the guy remained insanely insecure and lazy.
Separations are bittersweet moments. No matter how much you try if things cannot work out, you have to do it. It is better than killing each other emotionally & psychologically- or even just glaring at each other daily. It is the better thing to do. Some shred of dignity is left between both parties. Like in all battles, there are spoils. Just rise, clean up and walk on by. At least you won't live in misery.
Although we all want to save relationships and families- we also have to support those who choose to part ways. We cannot judge them. Often they become better persons. They can raise their children well too. Being separated doesn't have to be a moribund situation. Many successful people are happily separated. As my happy friends say, as long as their kids are settled at school, they go wherever they want with wanton.
Gloria Gaynor best sang it for many women everywhere,
" First I was afraid,I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
But I grew strong & I learned how to get along.....
Do you think I'd lay down and die? I WILL SURVIVE"!
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