Numbness of the left side and general weakness. Two doctors recommended going to the ER to eliminate all probabilities; to be sure and not be sorry. I went; for fear of unimaginable consequences! Entonces, I was calling all the angels and saints to plead my case to The Superman up there.
A little backgrounder; indulge me a bit. At home, I am usually up and about singing whilst doing chores or busy in the office for stuffs. Otherwise, I am happily watching my favorite SBS, KBS and reruns- laughing boisterously or crying for joy or pain (depends on the scenes). That day, I cannot help but stay quiet and listen to my body.
My left cheek and arms felt weird- numb and thick.
It definitely wasn't normal. The other side of me was "normal". There was pain in the stomach area. Yet I do not want to be OA and be embarrassed in the hospital. That happened to me ages ago in one of my pregnancies. I thought I was going to give birth. Everyone at home was frantic! We rushed to the hospital. I just needed to fart!
This time two doctors from 2 satellite clinics said the same thing. Join me in this trip where I fought with myself to remain calm and shun fear. Fear is bad. It raises the BP and stirs crazy ideas in the mind.
I was asked to use the wheelchair (a mama in a stroller). The usual interview which my daughter took care of. I stayed on a bed along the corridor because it is first come, first serve in terms of bedding accomodations. But of course, as in all ERs, gory & life- death emergencies are first.
A lovely intern or resident took care of me.
By this time, I was actually feeling better. I wanted to go home. We learned one cannot just leave the ER. One has to be discharged properly. I was planning on exiting quietly though.
I underwent the routine ecg & other elimination tests. I passed them all! Thank You, Lord! One more: MRI.
That noisy machine! The cold room and cold steel cylinder that would host my head for 45 minutes. The little fear I had vanished with thoughts of getting this over with! "Courage don't desert me!" (quipping Anastasia) The guy in charge was reassuring too so my nervousness was eased. I was told not to move a single muscle or else the procedure will be repeated. That would mean delay! My brain needed to control all the parts. My poor family has been subjected to unnecessary stress & waiting. They should be resting at this time.
I was falling asleep but thoughts pinched myself to stay awake ( imagine?). Sleeping will cause unnecessary movements. Oh no! I didn't know if my fingers twitched because I could not feel them. Can my eyes move? If this guy could see my brain thru the screen, he'd probably laugh at the debacle that went on in there. Since I was afraid to move a muscle, the hemispheres may be actively debating and hitting each other ala three stooges! That kept me awake. The headphones did not totally eliminate the banging sound. One time it was like a jackhammer beside me; then clanging of cooking vessels. I just made music out of their sounds. Metallic rock was noisier. Before I knew it, the kind fellow was in the room helping me out of the white cylinder. I forgot to ask why there was a metal gear (like a football player's) on top of my face. For safety?
At 2am, finally, we were told the MRI did not show any signs of stroke. But I have to see my neuro for the results. Thank God!
My children were all in the coffee shop the whole 7 hours patiently waiting for me. They had turns dropping in to make me and their Dad laugh. I am sure they were worried for me & their Dad who was a house guest of the hospital seven years ago. Will share that story of faith, hope, love and charity next time.
What have I realized in this trip to the ER?
You remember when our grannies and yayas told us of the certain ways of doing and not doing things? They actually prove to be valid points, no matter how old fashioned. Eat fruits & veggies, old style home cooking, not bathe in cold water when the body is tired, massage, raising up the legs when standing the whole day, sleep well , play to move about and the all time fave- DRINK LOTS OF WATER! Let me add what Eddie Garcia, a famous Filipino actor, told me when I asked how he keeps fit at 80, "Moderation in everything".
Life is to be lived fully. But sometimes we overdo things and forget our body is not a machine. Actually even machines conk out when overused.
Listen to your body! When you are in the golden age which is also half a century, you need to take time for check up and overhaul. Not because you are sick; but because you want to enjoy the other side of the hill.
I fear going to the ER. The thing is I pushed my body's limits trying to be a superhero. The trip made me accept my limitations. What we can do during our 20s or 30s cannot be the same at 50. That is even hard to accept! I don't want to act and feel too old for my age. I know women who are 20-30 years older than I yet they just keep going and going. I think attitude also counts to total well being. A worrywort is likely to get sick and die younger than an outgoing cheerful octogenarian.
I was hesitant with my ER moment because it could have been a waste of time and energy of the whole family. It destroyed the rhythm of the activities at home and at work. It drained everyone. But as my children reiterated, at least we all know I did not have stroke. It pacified the anxiety for the fear of the unknown. Questions were answered. My wacky caring children were correct.
A mother is afraid to be sick and be a burden to her family because she should take care of everyone. Again, being a burden is an unfounded notion, according to my wise 5. It is a comforting reminder. My ER moment was an influx of many emotions and thoughts. It affirmed the adage, " An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
Listen to your body.
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